Sitting in the pain and sadness feels like there is no other choice.
You want there to be, but you believe there is no other choice. You are the pain. You somehow deserve what you are feeling. You made some mistake or choice or maybe you believe this is your lot in life. This is all there is for you. You don’t want it, but you don’t know how to live any other way. It hurts. The pain overshadows everything else, and you don’t know how to let go. You may not even realize you have the ability to let go. To walk away.
The idea of walking away may seem impossible because the pain you are living in has become home to you. Not a home you want, but a home you have, nonetheless. The weight of this home goes with you everywhere and it is so heavy. You wish someone would just wake you up from this dream, but you are awake. Or you think this is what awake feels like.
The pain never leaves you alone. It wraps its way around you no matter where you go, you feel alone. Even in a crowd, alone. No one understands what you are going through and if they knew you, really knew what was in your head, you would lose them, too. They wouldn’t be able to understand you because you can’t even understand where you are.
The unworthiness drapes itself across you. The shame and guilt follow you, they rarely leave your side. Even when you feel a moment of where you can breathe again, it doesn’t last long, and the unworthiness covers you again. It pulls you in again.
The fear is like a second skin you wear. Always worrying over what is to come and the past circles around your mind reminding you what you’ve done and who you’ve become. It. Never. Ceases. The sadness. The loneliness. The feeling of never being enough. Who could possibly love you when you cannot even love yourself?
How did you get here? How did this become your life? Why can’t you break free from the control your feelings, thoughts, and emotions have unleashed on you? Why does the world hate you? Why doesn’t anything ever work out? What did you do to deserve this life? This pain?
It is like a wave that keeps pulling you under and you can’t swim. You are too tired to tread water anymore. Too tired trying to step out of the darkness. Too tired to try to understand.
Does this feel familiar? This place. These words. You may feel caught in this cycle, but you don’t have to be. You can be free. This darkness does not own you.
There is a way out. If you choose it. You do NOT have to stay here.
I lived in this place for a very long time. I thought I was trapped, that it was all there was for me. It was what I deserved. Your beliefs are a very powerful. These beliefs that keep you stuck can be flipped to set you free. I never thought I would ever step back into the place where I lived for so long, but when intuition asked me to sit here again, I sat.
I feel it all like I never left. It is here that I realize the strength that you have inside of you to be free. It is here I remember and understand the truth so clearly. This place feels real, but it isn’t more real than the reverse. It is just as easy to sit in freedom as it is to sit in the cage. If someone would have told me I could choose to leave this dark place I would have thought some very unkind words about this person and how they had no idea what I was going through. My beliefs would have shoved the possibility that they spoke truth away as fraud.
As a reformed darkness believer, I can tell you with certainty that ‘You are not the darkness’. Everything comes from light and love. You are love. No matter how far away love feels from you, it is not gone. It is in the place where you are. In the most painful moments love is there. In the sadness love is there. It may seem impossible to let go, but it isn’t about letting go, it is about embracing all that you are. It is only by embracing and moving through that you find the way out.
There is a way out. It is like climbing a staircase that lifts you a little higher one step at a time. You can do this. What once felt so foreign can be your home again. Love is your home. It never left you, but you may have left it. Not on purpose, but through circumstances that moved you. You can move mountains if you believe.
The power is already inside of you. Embrace it. Embrace you. I am proof there is a way up the staircase. Proof that hate can turn back to love, that heaviness can become light. Shadows make way for sunshine. Love is the catalyst.
As I sit in remembrance of the darkness, I now understand it is and never will be mine or yours. I found my purpose on the staircase, to show you the way out. This staircase is standing before you. You can use it, one step at a time. Leading you to freedom. With every step, you take back your own power. With ever step, your own brilliance will be remembered. With every step you get stronger, more whole, more love. You will realize the darkness has no power over you. You will release what no longer serves you. You will reclaim what you thought was lost and what was once your mess will now become your message.
You can do this.
My soul longs for you to be free and is what created my business. This is why I became a coach, to shine a light on the staircase that sits before you. To guide you back to the love that is you. I have a new program launching soon, Unlocking the Keys to Love and Empowerment, created to lead you up the staircase and reconnect you with your inner brilliance. If your interested in learning more message me on Facebook below
and I will reach out to you. You are not alone.